Author Topic: Just trying to put something out about myself...  (Read 618 times)

Offline iluvfupaburgers

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 91
    Defense: 93
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • FUPA Luva
Just trying to put something out about myself...
« on: June 02, 2012, 10:19:14 AM »
You dont have to post back, i am just doing this to get something out of my head. lately many relatives have been dying and its always such an awkward moment for me. not sad but awkward since everyone gets upset and sad, they are all crying but for some reason, i cant get to be like they are. im not crying, or stressed or anything for that matter, so it just makes me feel uncomfortable. today i was in the hospital because my grandma got a stroke and the doctors already gave her a few hours of life. everyone was crying and all, and i couldnt. before i thought i couldnt cry because that relative was just not so close to me. but today, my grandma just has a few more hours left and i just dont feel anything. so that makes me wonder if im just some heartless person or if maybe im just used to the idea of death and what death means. i cant really make my mind


again, im not trying to look for pity or anything. i just felt like writing this so i can get it out of my system because it has been bothering me a little since i have been in many funerals in these past 5 years or so. so you dont have to post back if you are not going to put anything useful

Offline O:\msg

  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Attack: 78
    Defense: 60
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 10
  • Gender: Male
  • S'up?
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2012, 01:32:21 PM »
It's normal, im exactly the same. Films and stuff have all this over the top drama going on, and reality isn't like that but people just think its normal. Nah, deal with it in your own way, crying just for the sake of it means nothing, I just remember them every now and again, and thats good enough for me.

Offline iluvfupaburgers

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 91
    Defense: 93
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • FUPA Luva
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2012, 04:00:13 PM »
that actually makes me feel better. i thought i was the only one. and made me feel bad that i cant feel anything when things like these happen. films do portray how people should react in certain situations and i see your point as valid. thanks :)

Offline dark 5FVD

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 3
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2012, 04:05:01 PM »
You aren't the only one indeed. when my grand dad died everybody whas crying over him but i didn't show any emotion. I think with me it is the fact that i accept death and see it really as a part of life.

Offline Mr.PowPow

  • Kerplunky-plunk
  • ***
  • Attack: 95
    Defense: 97
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 1
  • Gender: Male
  • It's a jungle out there! Do do do do do do do~
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2012, 04:14:25 PM »
From a psychological perspective there isn't much wrong with it, the entire point of sadness in respect to the death only really applies to those you are emotionally attached to. For instance I'm not close with my grandmother either, I know that when she finally passes away I won't cry, don't get me wrong I won't be happy that she is dead but I won't be in tears either, I just wouldn't feel it like that. Sort of like a silent respect.
So yeah, its already been said above, its totally natural.

Offline iluvfupaburgers

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 91
    Defense: 93
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • FUPA Luva
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2012, 04:22:09 PM »
i understand that pow. but as i have mentioned. my grandma is not the only one that died (she is still alive) these past 5 years. in one of these cases i had a cousin i used to talk to and play videogames regularly. he died on a car accident because he was drunk driving going back home. when he died, i didnt feel anything either, i saw his body and all i thought was, how stupid this kid was for driving drunk and not calling for help since the doctors did say he had 10 minutes of life after the crash, and apparently he called his GF to say goodbye.
which brings me to the idea that maybe im just not emotionally attached to anyone in that sort of way.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2012, 04:24:00 PM by iluvfupaburgers » »

Offline NekoJonez

  • Administrator
  • *******
  • Attack: 96
    Defense: 95
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 21
  • Gender: Male
  • Look, I'm on a Gameboy.
      • My gaming life.
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2012, 04:32:20 PM »
i understand that pow. but as i have mentioned. my grandma is not the only one that died (she is still alive) these past 5 years. in one of these cases i had a cousin i used to talk to and play videogames regularly. he died on a car accident because he was drunk driving going back home. when he died, i didnt feel anything either, i saw his body and all i thought was, how stupid this kid was for driving drunk and not calling for help since the doctors did say he had 10 minutes of life after the crash, and apparently he called his GF to say goodbye.
which brings me to the idea that maybe im just not emotionally attached to anyone in that sort of way.

OR you actually do and you just try to stay strong on go on... Like... Okay, he is dead... But to be a support to my family and friends I can't go sitting in a corner now and let my emotions get the better of me. It could be that too.

Offline iluvfupaburgers

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 91
    Defense: 93
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • FUPA Luva
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2012, 04:51:07 PM »
it could be jonez. no idea. maybe on some sub-conscience level i think that. but not sure. even yesterday i was thinking if i too have to mourn (since i dont know you guys but over here we mourn for a week) if she dies today because i want to go out today with my friends. wow writing it sounds kinda sick i think

Offline NekoJonez

  • Administrator
  • *******
  • Attack: 96
    Defense: 95
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 21
  • Gender: Male
  • Look, I'm on a Gameboy.
      • My gaming life.
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2012, 05:23:58 PM »
wow writing it sounds kinda sick i think
Nah. Actually not. Not to me at least. It shows your strong character.

even yesterday i was thinking if i too have to mourn (since i dont know you guys but over here we mourn for a week) if she dies today because i want to go out today with my friends.

Aah... Now I see... You have a sort of build in "protection"... You automatically seek something to put your mind on something else and to keep your spirit up. That's a good habit.

Offline Kiss x Miz

  • Administrator
  • *******
  • Attack: 95
    Defense: 94
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 23
  • Gender: Male
  • eh
      • Arpegi
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2012, 12:46:55 AM »
You dont have to post back, i am just doing this to get something out of my head. lately many relatives have been dying and its always such an awkward moment for me. not sad but awkward since everyone gets upset and sad, they are all crying but for some reason, i cant get to be like they are. im not crying, or stressed or anything for that matter, so it just makes me feel uncomfortable. today i was in the hospital because my grandma got a stroke and the doctors already gave her a few hours of life. everyone was crying and all, and i couldnt. before i thought i couldnt cry because that relative was just not so close to me. but today, my grandma just has a few more hours left and i just dont feel anything. so that makes me wonder if im just some heartless person or if maybe im just used to the idea of death and what death means. i cant really make my mind


again, im not trying to look for pity or anything. i just felt like writing this so i can get it out of my system because it has been bothering me a little since i have been in many funerals in these past 5 years or so. so you dont have to post back if you are not going to put anything useful
The fact you feel awkward/embarressed about this is proof you do have a heart.

Offline shredc0re

  • Mythical Member
  • ***
  • Attack: 62
    Defense: 61
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 6
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2012, 05:06:38 PM »
I agree with what Mizari stated.

You feel something due to the things that happened, so you're not heartless. You're just someone who copes with this on a different level.
I know what you're talking about though, it really makes you feel heartless when you see all these relatives and friends cry over the person they lost and you're just standing there. This is one of the main reasons why I don't go to funerals or death beds. I just can't cope with everyone crying.. It honestly annoys me because I don't know how to cry over someone who has died.
The only thing going through my head at that time is what the person did in his life, that they had a good life and that we shouldn't cry over them because their time has come and we should just honour them instead of letting our tears crash to the ground.

Offline CarolineJohnson

  • Arpegiator
  • ***
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 9
  • Gender: Female
  • Herpenderps
      • Creepy + Pasta
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2012, 10:04:36 PM »
This is actually pretty common. I believe that the less you're crying about it, the more devastated you are. So devastated that you can't even emote about it, even to yourself, even though you desperately want to, so yourself and other people know how you feel about it.

Offline Kiss x Miz

  • Administrator
  • *******
  • Attack: 95
    Defense: 94
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 23
  • Gender: Male
  • eh
      • Arpegi
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2012, 01:22:08 PM »
This is actually pretty common. I believe that the less you're crying about it, the more devastated you are. So devastated that you can't even emote about it, even to yourself, even though you desperately want to, so yourself and other people know how you feel about it.
Well, not really in my case.
When my great-aunt died, I was like "damn :/ " for a couple seconds, but nothing more. I liked her though. I think I just became good at accepting fate and moving on after what I've already been through in my life.

Offline BloodcatNS

  • Supersonic Hyper Omega Gigadeath
  • ***
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • That lovable ass with well pronounced buttocks
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #13 on: June 11, 2012, 01:45:15 PM »
This is actually pretty common. I believe that the less you're crying about it, the more devastated you are.
My uncle died last month. He was a great guy, but he was paralyzed from waist down and was diagnosed with cancer six years ago. When he did die, I shed one tear. But that's it. One tear. After that, I didn't cry at all. I dunno. We were kind of expecting him to die soon after he was diagnosed, so maybe I just accepted that he would die someday. Oddly enough, I was one of the few who didn't cry at the funeral.

Offline O:\msg

  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Attack: 78
    Defense: 60
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 10
  • Gender: Male
  • S'up?
Re: Just trying to put something out about myself...
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2012, 01:51:18 PM »
I wouldn't want anyone to cry for me, I'd rather them get pissed and remember all the fun and happy times we had together. I'm gonna leave a couple of grand behind the bar in my will so they can get hammered.