Author Topic: The joke thread  (Read 26953 times)

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #125 on: November 29, 2013, 05:18:24 AM »
My new girlfriend reckons I'm no good in bed, but I don't see how she can make a judgement like that in less than a minute.

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #126 on: December 15, 2013, 08:33:25 PM »
I stayed at the Ritz Hotel and took a card from a phone box on Oxford Street offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures." Back at the Hotel I rang the number. A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help. I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggy style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit wank. Is that OK?" The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line!!!

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #127 on: December 19, 2013, 02:18:44 PM »
What do the Japanese do when they have an erection?

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Offline Kiss x Miz

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #128 on: January 19, 2014, 04:57:16 PM »
In what month do women complain the least?

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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #129 on: January 24, 2014, 07:56:30 PM »
"Give it to me!" She yelled.
"I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #130 on: January 25, 2014, 06:37:58 PM »
I phoned the Police the other day.
"What's your Emergency" They asked.
I said "Two Girls are fighting over me!"
"Ok" She paused. "Well what's the problem?"
"The Fat Ugly one's winning!!"

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #131 on: February 13, 2014, 07:05:07 PM »
Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, “When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t possibly wear them, as they were too large. I said to her “Of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day we have never had a single problem.”

Jack took his father’s advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing.

He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said “I can’t wear these, they’re far too large for me.”

“Exactly” Jack replied “I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on Jack,” she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

“I can’t get into your knickers,” said Jack.

”Exactly, and if you don’t change your f*cking attitude, you never will!

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #132 on: February 20, 2014, 03:11:38 PM »
My circumcision was pretty cheap, I got ripped off.

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #133 on: March 04, 2014, 12:48:30 PM »
A brawl between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile is the closest to Alien vs. Predator we're going to get in real life.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2014, 12:50:02 PM by Fist » »

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #134 on: March 18, 2014, 09:13:18 AM »
I'm really bad at math. The expression 2n + 2n is 4n to me.

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #135 on: April 03, 2014, 01:30:37 AM »





So my lesbian neighbours came over and gave this to me. This wasn't what I had in mind when I said I wanna watch.

Offline senpai_FisT

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #136 on: May 01, 2014, 01:44:03 PM »
Magic is so rare in Westeros that there are very few who can Castamere spell.

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #137 on: May 10, 2014, 01:01:15 PM »
"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt."

"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt."

 

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