Potentially bad news

[Mr.PowPow]

Okay, I'm going to be frank, I have a seriously sore anus. No joke. It's absolutely on fire.
Before anyone says that I was raped in my sleep or I've been bit by a spider, the joke has already been made and its hard to listen to when you don't think you could even crap out a bead on a rosary. (I actually sat on a still hot cigarette while naked)

I want to quell the pain with water but unfortunately the water from the taps has stopped, I'm assuming the water bill has been skimped again. My question is, is it safe to pour cooking oil on the inflamed part of my anus? I am seriously desperate. I will pour cooking oil on my anus to satisfy my painful urges. I just don't want to be growing anything down there as a result.

[Muffin]

Uh, no, I don't think cooking oil is safe. After you pour it, it'll be a pain to get out.
Are you sure you don't water anywhere? Not even in the fridge?


Oh and...How in the hell did you sit on a cigar while naked?!

[Mr.PowPow]

Nope, although there is some milk in the fridge but I'd like to leave that as a last resort as there isn't much left, I'd be hard to explain to my mother what happened to the last of our milk. Plus the freezer was recently cleaned out of ice, which was unfortunate timing......very unfortunate :/

Well there was an ash tray on the couch and I tend to walk around naked when my mother isn't in the house, she recently left so the cigarette was still pretty hot on the tip. Long story short, I stupidly sat down without looking. It didn't hurt much at first but the swelling sure did.

[Muffin]

Uh, I don't really recommend this, but toilet water? Just saying: I seriously don't recommend this. It's better than oil though...

And, uh, wow. That's actually...wow.

[Mr.PowPow]

Well I'll consider that if my willpower deteriorates any further.

And yeah, the things I get myself into huh lol. I'm kinda glad my mother doesn't go on forums cuz if she saw this then....boy she'd be so proud of her lil'soldier :p

[Muffin]

Well, you could boil the water and then let it cool for a while? It'll take longer, but it'll be safer. o-o

I know I'd be proud!

[Kiss x Miz]

I read something about egg whites on paper towels or bandages. It would instantly relieve pain and may even speed up the healing.
If you don't feel like doing that, use Nivea cream or something similar.

[Mr.PowPow]

Well, you could boil the water and then let it cool for a while? It'll take longer, but it'll be safer. o-o

That's definitely an appealing option, only thing is the time. Patience goes out the window when you can't sit down :/

If you don't feel like doing that, use Nivea cream or something similar.

I guess I'll have to look around for some cream then, that sounds relatively safe.

[O:\msg]

Any moisturiser or something will be fine, aftersun will even do it.