Latest Updates: Arpegi v5.0 - Updated: 28/12/2023 (Yeet that white screen of death.)
i understand that pow. but as i have mentioned. my grandma is not the only one that died (she is still alive) these past 5 years. in one of these cases i had a cousin i used to talk to and play videogames regularly. he died on a car accident because he was drunk driving going back home. when he died, i didnt feel anything either, i saw his body and all i thought was, how stupid this kid was for driving drunk and not calling for help since the doctors did say he had 10 minutes of life after the crash, and apparently he called his GF to say goodbye. which brings me to the idea that maybe im just not emotionally attached to anyone in that sort of way.
wow writing it sounds kinda sick i think
even yesterday i was thinking if i too have to mourn (since i dont know you guys but over here we mourn for a week) if she dies today because i want to go out today with my friends.
You dont have to post back, i am just doing this to get something out of my head. lately many relatives have been dying and its always such an awkward moment for me. not sad but awkward since everyone gets upset and sad, they are all crying but for some reason, i cant get to be like they are. im not crying, or stressed or anything for that matter, so it just makes me feel uncomfortable. today i was in the hospital because my grandma got a stroke and the doctors already gave her a few hours of life. everyone was crying and all, and i couldnt. before i thought i couldnt cry because that relative was just not so close to me. but today, my grandma just has a few more hours left and i just dont feel anything. so that makes me wonder if im just some heartless person or if maybe im just used to the idea of death and what death means. i cant really make my mindagain, im not trying to look for pity or anything. i just felt like writing this so i can get it out of my system because it has been bothering me a little since i have been in many funerals in these past 5 years or so. so you dont have to post back if you are not going to put anything useful
This is actually pretty common. I believe that the less you're crying about it, the more devastated you are. So devastated that you can't even emote about it, even to yourself, even though you desperately want to, so yourself and other people know how you feel about it.
This is actually pretty common. I believe that the less you're crying about it, the more devastated you are.