Author Topic: Dump yer ideas fer writing 'ere!  (Read 4001 times)

Offline BloodcatNS

  • Supersonic Hyper Omega Gigadeath
  • ***
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • High Five Received: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • That lovable ass with well pronounced buttocks
Dump yer ideas fer writing 'ere!
« on: August 22, 2013, 05:03:51 PM »
Do you have those times when you have what you think is a decent idea of what to write about, but for some reason you don't have the necessary skills, tricks and illusions to convey the feeling of what you're thinking? Dump your ideas here! Maybe someone in the forum MIGHT be able to write just about that!

Anyway, there's this story I always wanted to write about. I've been thinking about it for almost half a year now. It's not that much significant, though.

It's about a miserable man in a bar. Let's call him Tom. For countless nights, Tom drowned his sorrow with countless drinks. One night, a man, no older than he is, went up to him. Let's name him Mick. Mick drank with Tom that night, while Tom spattered away his misery. Mick, for some reason, gave him a bit of advice. Tom took note of this and followed for many days. Tom was less miserable. Tom was happy. That night, Tom drank with Mick again, thanking Mick for the advice. Mick told him more. Tom was more successful because of it. He was richer; more powerful. Tom felt good. But Tom was losing everything as well. He lost his wife. He lost his son. He lost his loves. Tom didn't care. Tom was powerful. Mick kept giving him advices until such a time that his advices were badly influencing Tom. Everything he had gained, he lost. He lost his power and his success, too. Tom was angry. He went back to Mick. Shouted at him. Tom was worse than when Mick first talked to him. Mick smiled. Tom grabbed a knife. He stabbed Mick right into the stomach. It hurt. He lost consciousness. It was dark. Very dark. Cold, too.

What was supposed to be the point of the story: Show a kind of individualism. A man's success and failure depends on himself

What I lack: Foreshadowing. A sort of poetic devices to emphasize on his success and failures. VOCABULARY, mostly. All I have is his drunkeness, in which Mick's advice shouldn't have been able to penetrate Tom's skull at that time.

I need more time to refine this. :(
If anyone can, you're free to modify it.


SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2021, SimplePortal